


Love is Strength, Not a Weakness - Part 1

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Love is Strength, Not a Weakness [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Comfort/Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluffy Ending, Has lots of feels guys, Heavy Angst, Hurt Bucky Barnes, I did!, Language, Light Angst, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Physical Abuse, Protective Bucky Barnes, Psychological Torture, guess who started a new series, mentions of torture, mini series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8304919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Bucky loves the reader, but is scared to hurt her, he’s conflicted with the voices in his head, so he ends up pushing her away. Which makes the voices only stronger.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So I started a new mini-series. :) And I couldn't be happier. 
> 
> NOTE: Italics are the voices, bold Italics are Bucky responding

_ No one loves you. Who could ever love a man who was made to kill? Love is a form of weakness. _

 

“Bucky we need to talk, right now.” I turn towards Steve, only to see everyone else standing along with him. I groaned, they had me cornered, I had nowhere to run, nowhere to go. I just wanted to get away from the others, get away from the voices in my head. 

“What Steve? Come here to make me beat myself up some more? Because you’re all doing a pretty damn good job so far.” I unwrap my hands, well hand considering that my left one wasn’t a hand; only a weapon. 

“We’re here to talk to you about (Y/N).” I freeze when her name was brought up. They all knew I had feelings for her, but the fact that she felt the same way, only made things worse. 

 

_ Love is weakness and of course, you know what that means. It means we get to start over.  _ **_No p-please, stop._ ** _ Begging is a weakness, wipe him again.  _ I shook the voice away, walking towards my stuff.

 

“Do you love (Y/N)? Like really love her, because it’s come to our attention that you’re the one who made her lock herself in her room since yesterday.” Yesterday, the day she told me she wanted to be more than just friends. I told her I didn’t feel the same way and to make matters worse, she ran to her room and cried. I knew I was hurting her by distancing myself from her, but it was the only way to keep her safe. To keep herself safe from me. From him. 

“Of course I love her, but she loves me. I won’t allow it.”  I don’t look at Steve in order to know what he was going to say next.

 

“Why?” 

 

_ You know why no one will love you. We made sure of that. Who could love a man who was trained to kill? _

“Because of my fucking arm Steve!” He steps back, which only enrages me further. “It’s the one constant reminder of who I was and what I did. I killed who knows how many. Everyone I ever cared about, either was killed or hurt by me. I can’t do that do her.” Nat scoffs at me, 

“Well, you’re already hurting her by pushing her away. She loves you for you, Barnes.” 

“You think I don’t know that! How can she love me when I have this?” I rip off my shirt and raise my left arm at her. I could hear the gears whir, the plates shift as I moved my arm back down. “I CAN’T feel love, let alone show it. It shows that I’m weak.” Steve walked up to me and gripped my shoulder. 

“And it’s fine to be weak sometimes, it doesn’t mean that it actually makes you weak. It can make you stronger.” 

 

_Weakness doesn’t make you strong, it leaves you inadequate. What is the Winter Soldier?_ ** _The Winter Soldier is strong and doesn’t succumb to weakness._** I shrug his hand off harshly and glare at him. 

 

“You want to know how they deal with weakness Steve? They beat the crap out of you until you can no longer stand. They strap you down and wipe you, make you forget who you are. Sure they can torture you by using the trigger words, but they would abuse you physically and mentally, stripping everything that you once were, away.” I instantly trace the scars along my shoulder out of instinct, flinching at the memories it brang. 

“I’m scared to be weak, every time I am, I’m afraid they’re going to be busting through the door to start the whole process all over again.” 

 

_ You weren’t listening. If you were, you wouldn’t have to go through this again.  _ **_I was listening, please_ ** _ Now, let’s begin again.  _ **_No_ ** _ Love is weakness, it doesn’t make you strong. It leaves you inadequate when you could be doing so much more. What does the Winter Soldier do?  _ **_The Winter Soldier doesn’t love only destroys._ ** I run my fingers through my hair, trying to ignore the voices. 

 

“They tell you that no one loves you, that you’re poison and everything you touch withers away.” 

“Not everything Bucky. If that were true, we wouldn’t have decided to help you.” I didn’t believe him. How could I when I knew everyone else thought differently? After everything that’s happened, it still felt as if everyone still saw me as him, the Winter Soldier. And not the new man I was trying so hard to become. 

“Oh really? Because your reactions say differently. The good thing about being this ghost assassin murderer Steve is that I’m good at going unnoticed. I notice and hear everything you all do Steve. They way they look at me, the things they say. They’re all waiting for me to explode. Go all Winter Soldier mode on you and kill someone! So they can finally have the chance to lock me away for good.” 

 

_ This man talked bad about you soldier, kill him. Show the others that you feel nothing, no remorse. Because?  _ **_Remorse is a form of weakness._ ** I start to feel myself shake slightly from the memory. I had to kill an innocent man and I felt nothing. 

 

“That’s why I push her away, because if I hurt her or worse, kill her, then I’m no better than Winter.” Nat shifted slightly where she was standing, waiting a few seconds before she spoke up. 

“Then why don’t you give her a chance Buck? She deserves that much.” I just shake my head and walk over to where my stuff was. 

“I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll let her in. I’ll let her in and I’ll break, I’ll break and become weak. I’ll become weak and they’ll take her away from me, make me kill her. I-I can’t, I…” I take a deep breath and squeezed my eyes tightly, trying to keep my emotions in check. “I can’t do that. I don’t trust myself with her.” Sam groaned next to Steve, 

“But you love her?” I nod my head, “Well if you love her, then what’s the catch?” 

“It scares the shit out of me every time I think about it. And if the ‘other guy’ comes out, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to stop him.” 

 

“Well, you’ll never know unless you try.” 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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